If hockey won't come to me, I'll go to hockey.

This past weekend I made the second of my usual twice a year trips to Toronto, where, after a fun evening with my good friend Chapel (wherein he bought me dinner as a prize for winning his playoff pool this past season), I met up with fellow HLOGger Sherry for second time. Last time we were able to take in a Bulldogs playoff game; this time the two of us made our way to the Hockey Hall of Fame. I'd been there once before, but not since it moved to the new building, so I was excited to see exactly what it was comprised of now.

First, I was unsurprised to see that the Wings were the team whose jersey was featured in the Central Division display, but I was more surprised when I walked around to the back of it and saw this:

What, didn't have any extra Stevie Y.'s or something? I wonder if he knows.

Sherry and I also decided to try the goalkeeping and shooting games they had - I managed to beat her in both, though not by much (I did do better at the trivia game, but it was pretty much sheer luck). I was only able to score three goals on seven attempts against Eddie Belfour (for shame), and only stopped two out of five (though it would have been three if I hadn't kicked one in with my own foot). To her credit, Sherry was playing in a skirt - but then again, I was playing in very hockey-inappropriate sandals, and both of us were using a stick about a foot too long.

When I stepped into that net, I must have started thinking to myself, "what would Conklin do?" There wasn't enough room to run behind the net and commit a grievous error, so I apparently had to think more like Cam Ward and flail at a shot I actually stopped until the puck went in the net.

If you're interested in any of the other pictures from the weekend, and the HHoF, my photo gallery is here. If you're looking for more stupid pictures of me proving that I should definitely stick to watching hockey rather than playing, however, you're out of luck, as those are all on Sherry's camera. We had a lot of fun even if we sucked.

Over the course of the weekend we also watched a chunk of Miracle and considered liveblogging it - but through a combined laziness and lack of internet in the room we were in, ended up sparing you all.

As August wears on there is less and less hockey news available, and more and more anticipation for the new season, but here are some odds and ends to help tide you over:

• The Red Wings are going on with that silly "Fire on Ice" theme heading into the season - and they've created possibly the most hideous splash page ever to go along with it. Does anyone else think it looks like viewing an image on a monitor that can't display quite enough colors to show it properly? Anti-aliasing is good, I promise.

• If you can manage to brave the site design, however, you can purchase preseason tickets starting August 30th. Tickets are also still on sale for training camp in Traverse City (September 13-18).

• The Sharks took a page out of the Wings' book with a splash page of their own. It's almost as ugly, and yet it's a thing of beauty - bet you can figure out why. (In other news re: the Sharks endearing me to them, check out the Cheechoo/Teemu ska song, if you haven't yet.)

• The LA Kings sign former Toronto backup J.S. Aubin (crickets chirp).

And finally, with the offseason being quiet and horrendously boring, you'd think we'd hit a lapse in crazy search terms - but nope. Amidst the armies of people who still want pictures of Lauren Pronger and information about Rod Brind'Amour's girlfriend, my latest favorites have been "js giguere pool party" (I hope he invited The Aquabats), "dominik hasek laptop" (the man just learned text messaging last season, let's not go too far now), "fake teeth in ontario" (....what?) and, the current winner, "let down your hair I want to comb it" (uhhhhh, that's the last time I make those "Mr. Babcock I want to comb your hair" comments).

Creative and witty title goes here

School starting and the busy details of trying to sleep and work two jobs have kept me from commenting on this, but I can't ignore it any longer.

Sidney has a clothing line.
The Star has a great take on it, too.

Yes, that's right (for the three people out there who haven't heard it), you can now wear something by Sidney Crosby in your own home. Is it a little ego-centric? Yes. Is it a little humorous? Yes. Cheesy as hell? You betcha. Would I buy a SC87 original? In a New York minute (provided it wasn't pink, glittery in anyway shape, or form, and did not have the 'I hear Sidney' on it, because really, gag me). A lot of people are mocking this, but really, have we not seen hockey players do this before? (ask me who makes that line and I'll hit you with a shovel)

However, some people have a good point: did he do his research? What is his market, is he trying to go for casual female fans (or puckbunnies) with his women's line, or is he going for the actual female hockey fan? If he's trying to market to the real lady fans, Sidney, I should slap your hand. There are fans that appreciate the pink, but by and far, most do not. I suppose I should just be happy that I didn't see too much done in glitter, but I would have expected a bit more from Mr. Crosby on this. Maybe I'm missing the point and this isn't for hockey fans at all, just for women who think, 'Hey, I've heard of this Sheldon Crosby guy, and he's hot! Maybe I will buy a shirt....', either way, tasteful clothing isn't too much to ask for, and I'm hoping for the best when you can browse catalogs online.

In other news, the there will be a Merry Christmas after all: The Pens and Buffaslugs will evidently play in the Ice Bowl on January 1st. Good news! Bad news? I can neither make reservations, check prices of hotels online, or even buy tickets. What the hell, NHL? Also, anyone know why I can't buy Leafs tickets online until December games?

Now for some completely random pictures:
-The Frozen Moment from a few days ago. I had it open on my browser, and really, any time you can see a Flyer go head over tea kettle into the opposing players' bench is a good one.
-Screaming Eagles era Flower. I miss the mullet.

Oh, and as an aside, someone over at (I think, forgive me if I'm wrong) HLOG said something about Alyssa Milano creating her own sports clothing line...without the Pink. I checked it out, and really, not bad at all, if a bit on the sexier side of sports (which isn't a bad thing, just not what a game is about, of any sport. I sort of hate her for being able to be hot enough to be her own model on everything. Sigh). The bad news is, she looks like an Yankees fan. Oh, much better.

24 days till preseason!

I'm in BryzgaLove.

Okay so if you know me, or have ever met me even briefly, or have so much as just seen pictures of me, or have ever remotely broached the subject of fashion/clothing/etc. with me, you're well aware of the fact that I have probably never worn something that actually matched for a day of my life. Or at least since I've been dressing myself.

With that in mind, I think you can now all understand beyond the shadow of a doubt how I can hate the Ducks, but love Ilya Bryzgalov:

It was brought to my attention earlier that Bryzgalov brought the cup back to his native Russia (Togliatti, to be exact) on Monday, August 6th. It (and Bryz) were mobbed outside the airport by people chanting his name, took part in a parade (at 6 am), went on to Volga Sports Palace, where Bryz played hockey before coming over to the NHL, Avto-VAZ, the company where Bryz's father works, then on a three hour cruise, and then to an office where his best friend and sister work.

And Ilya did it all in that absolute debacle of a shirt. People probably had seizures. That guy in the background of the picture has got to be laughing at the shirt. There is just no doubt. I ask you, how do you not appreciate that? (And don't lie. A tiny little part of you wishes you owned it.)

In case you thought that was the best part, though, I have news for you - not even close. In fact, the part of this journey that I left out?

"At suppertime, a small group went to Long John Silver's, a pirate-themed restaurant. An entire show took place while the group was eating dinner – singers, dancers, fiddlers. A large cake was wheeled in and presentations were made while pictures were taken. Then, all of a sudden, pirates invaded the party, emerging seemingly out of thin air. They dragged Bryzgalov down the stairs with the Stanley Cup (gasp!) A cannon was fired and there was much commotion. Bryzgalov emerged a few moments later, dressed like a buccaneer and safely carrying the Stanley Cup."

Yes. I am serious. Really. Serious. Tragically, despite a good couple hours of working my google-fu over at google.ru, I could bring up no photographic evidence (though I did end up with this video, entirely in Russian, where Bryz talks about...something).

Worry not, though - if Sherry can have Martin Gerber dressed up as, well, this, the gods of the internet cannot possibly keep failing me with regard to Buccaneer Bryzgalov. Until then, you all just keep staring at that shirt.

And loving Ilya Bryzgalov.

40 Days and 40 Nights or How I Dealt With Hockey Withdrawal

One last lonely month looms between all of us and sweet hockey relief. We only have to hold out something like 40 more days. But this stretch is by far the hardest. The playoff buzz has worn off, the excitement of the draft is over, and it's hard to even summon back up the emotion to cry over the Jason Smiths, the slag-faced whores (I'm look at you Drury), the Mathieu Schneiders, the Jussi Markkanens, and, if you're Elly, the Ty Conklins, of free agency. News is trickling so slowly lately that the headlines are less "X PLAYER SIGNS WITH X TEAM FOR X EXORBITANT AMOUNT OF CASH!" and more "Top Ten Sports Songs!" So here we all are with forty more days ahead of us feeling like we're never going to see hockey again.

So what is there to do? Go watch baseball! The Tigers need all the support they can get - and apparently the collective I've massed around me (comprised of such illustrious bloggers as BoC's Earl Sleek, blogger at, oh, just the best Sabres blog on the internet, Heather, who's at least cheering for Andy Van Slyke, IPB (Ir)regulars Patty, who even supplied me with little bobblehead Pudge, and Mags - the mention of whom, as she shares my over-exuberant love of the awkward kid, brings me to my real selling point:

Christened PitchyCrunchy over at IPB the Tigers baby pitcher Andrew Miller, whether or not he's been spectacular lately (he has not), and whether or not he will be able to wrestle the title of "my Tiger" away from Magglio Ordonez (he has not, thus far, but I know Christy will pick up the slack on loving Mags if I do indeed switch over) is adorable. Come on. Look at that face.

So go watch the Tigers. Maybe we'll start winning again.

And uh, if baseball isn't your thing, go take HLOG's advice and rasterbate yourself some hockey players to stare at through the long month of August. Don't worry, it'll be over soon. IPB (Ir)regular Katebits, whose newly started hockey blog I of course have to pimp, has the proof!

Only a month left!

Until the preseason, at least. August certainly is the loneliest month for the hockey faithful.

Not much going on in the Land of Penguin, but they have set up a web cam at the site of the new arena for those of us outside the area that have nothing better to do than watch a fuzzy webcam of construction workers on break. Still, all snark aside, it's a nice touch for the fans that have been waiting a life time to see this bad boy come to completion.

In television news, OLNUSUS has announced their schedule and the Pens mark 8 times on it, 3 of which are against the Rangers. Can fans really not get enough of booing Jagr or do the execs just really like New York? NBC has put out a 'flexible' schedule for it's Sunday games, and from the article, it sounds like they'll pick from 4 games to show (how they choose, it doesn't say. Names in a hat? Shortest straw? Team closest to the salary cap?) and then broadcast that one as the so-called 'Game of the Week', while the rest will just be bumped back to their regional carriers. Super, so games of the Rangers, the Devils, and some random Western team will crush out Boston and Pittsburgh (although I have hopes for the Pens, thankyouverymuch Sidney Crosby for being cute, marketable, and a genius at hockey, not to mention the baby-faced squad around you). Thank god for NESN (although I could do without Hazel Mae).

It isn't often that I talk about the Rangers in any sort of light other than 'scathing', but this video struck me as sort of cute and rather interesting, mostly due to the second eldest Staal making an appearance. Also, poor Cherepanov, 'The Siberian Express'? He's fast and....cold?

EDIT: I found this little tidbit on TSN, Gretzky on K.Lowe: ``He's not doing anything against the system or behind the backs of anyone, and good for him.'' Interesting. Also, Gretzky spoke up in defense of Edmonton itself, since it's apparently now thought of as the retirement home for hockey players, or 'the Siberia of hockey for pro players'. Ouch. Does anyone remember the 2005-2006 season?

Also, Mike Ricci retired (yes, there's a picture). Not much to say on that except that any excuse for knob hockey is a good excuse in my book.

Sometimes, the real gems find you.

Earlier this evening, a friend of mine who has no remote interest in hockey (I know, but they really do exist) sent me a clip of some conversation of her brother's (equally anemic in the world of hockey knowledge) in which a kid who decided to share a physics probably that came directly from his text book. Initially she sent it to me because she thought I would appreciate any mention of hockey (probably true), but as it turns out, it was much better than that. It reads as follows:

"A hockey puck, mass 0.115kg, moving at 35 m/s, strikes an octopus thrown onto the ice by a fan. The octopus has a mass of 0.265kg. The puck and octopus slide off together. Find the velocity."

My friend was actually disappointed when I explained (this took a while) just why anyone would be discussing octopi being thrown onto ice, and why the existence of this problem was particularly hilarious to me especially (citing that "it made the problem a lot less surreal").

I, on the other hand, love the fact that out there somewhere is a Wings fan making up story problems for a physics book.

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin

It's coming, slowly but surely. Hockey is just around the corner! I encourage everyone to check out The Pensblog's countdown, which started at the number of 66. They've got some solid support for the Pens' fans in the summer (and are one of the only things keeping me from gnawing on my computer in frustration).

So what else are people doing to while away the long days of summer? Some of us are doing some reading (and making terrible comparisons while we're at it), but many of us are finding some fairly creative and entertaining ways to pass the hockey drought. NHL.com is going back over the 'memorable moments of 2006-2007' Recchi's 500th is on there, but I noticed that Mario's speech to announce the Penguins staying in Pittsburgh isn't on there (I'm not being biased, but that was a historic moment at the end of a historic struggle), or Jordan Staal's hat trick in Toronto to mark him as the youngest player to do so. Not memorable enough, NHL.com?

Blogs are also getting in on the action. IPB has a uplifting series they're calling 'Reasons We Love Hockey' (and a new theme. Looks good, ladies!). Hot Oil is putting on a 'Historical Hot Off', which even if you aren't an Oilers' fan, you should check it out. SportsSquee is trying to convert us all to football, and certain Capitals' blogs are recapping games (with a little help from google videos). HLOG has also gotten in on the fun with movie nights, which, while a little confusing at times, are a welcome break in all the trade talk and moving rumors.

The teams are also trying to make us happier in the off season by supplying us with news. The Pens won't have to take down their pinup calenders until 2010 when the new arena is ready. It's going to take 3-4 years, really? Well, hopefully there won't be any other helicopters falling through the roof in the meantime (yeah, it's old, yeah, it's over used, yeah, I don't care. Still a classic). It's a long time to wait, but as the article says, they want to do a good job, and do it the right way. I'm sure it will be appreciated in the long run. Another interesting facet of the arena deal is the effect it's having on the community and residents. It sounds like the Pens and Co. are truly trying to work with people and make everyone happy and behind the project (as any sane company would, even though you can't make everyone happy) so as not to repeat the dissatisfaction that came from the original Civic Arena deal 40 years ago. New jobs and a grocery store are small things to ask in the grand scheme of things...right?

In other news, the Nashville Predators are staying in Nashville...for the time being, anyhow. Congrats, Nashville! Now stop throwing catfish, you weridos. I'd like to try to see them haul these babies over the side of the glass. What would they have thrown in Hamilton...blackberries?

Is it me, or does this man look to be in serious pain? Maybe indigestion? Surprise? The 'you've gotta be kidding me' look when he realized who he got drafted by?

Yeah, that's about all I've got. Oh, except plans to go and see the Pens up at the Bell Centre for their second preseason game. Maybe I'll get lucky enough to sit next to another Penguins' fan in a Fleury jersey like last time...even if they didn't speak a word of English.

EDIT: For some random baseball news (to celebrate a wonderful 13th inning comeback by the A's over the Rangers last night, thank you, Piazza. Seriously, how do you blow a lead like that, coming off a grand slam and a home run?), I feel the need to share a bit of girliness and show the world that Philadelphia does indeed have something going for it: a one Mr. Cole Hamels. Good job on snapping that up, Philly. A talented rookie with a great arm...and a great everything else, too. Maybe it's the hockey hair, but it's nice to know that the home of the Flyers can produce something that pretty.

Just for shits and giggles, have some old-time LeClair. I still hear people claiming to have played in juniors and high school with him. Where are you now, John?

Go Pens.

And the offseason gets darker still.

Once upon a time, the Edmonton Oilers had a puck-moving defenseman, a gritty workhorse captain, a heart and soul guy, and a blonde-haired, blue-eyed sweetheart of a goalie with his leetle goalie mask who bent over backward to give them a chance in the Stanley Cup Playoffs 06.

It took less than two years to tear that team apart.

Chris Pronger is a Duck.
Ryan Smyth a Colorado Avalanche.
Jason Smith is in Philadelphia.
And this afternoon, Jussi Markkanen signs with Finnish team Jokerit. (Look at him still wearing his Oilers helmet - you can tell me it's only because he obviously hasn't gotten time to get a new one made, but you can't say it's anything but depressing.)

Makes you wonder what would have happened if they'd won.

Well scratch my back with a hacksaw!

That's right, folks, Mr. Mike Lange is back for another year covering the Penguins on the radio. Who says video killed the radio star?

Not much else going on in the Penguins world (aside from the now infamous Staalgate, which really, they should just be ashamed of. I mean, none of us ever did anything like that when we were young, and I know that we just all waited until we were 21 to drink, and then we always kept within the limits. Right. Really, they should be hanging their heads that they were caught. Didn't they have any practice with backwoods parties in Ontario?), and the newest scandal is Kevin Lowe's 'desperate and tasteless' push to snag Anaheim Duck Dustin Penner. That K.Lowe is being a douche is nothing new, just ask an Edmonton fan, but really, does it warrent all this attention and negativity? Sure, it wasn't exactly the most classy thing to do, but it wasn't technically illegal, either. Sort of like letting a big heavy door slam in the face of a pregnant woman in a wheelchair with a broken leg.

So who thinks that the Staal brothers will have a bet going on during the first game of the season? Any guesses on what they'll bet? (If you say gatorade, you have no imagination)

Oh, Lupul.

I will admit, the first time I checked out San Jose Shark Mark Smith's band The Vinyl Trees it was more because I had a decided love of his cute teal hair (it matched mine!) than because I believed in his musical prowess. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that they're actually rather fun - which led to clicking on an article about them playing recently at the Blue Beet Cafe in Newport Beach. Never did I expect it to be so hilarious (emphases are mine).

"In his black T-shirt and jeans, the lead singer of the Vinyl Trees was barely recognizable as a hockey player. Two of his friends — Dustin Penner of the Anaheim Ducks and Joffrey Lupul of the Philadelphia Flyers — blended with the crowd in plain clothes. The Blue Beet was populated Thursday night with superstar athletes, but the night was about camaraderie, not competition.
...

Thursday night, the Stanley Cup was on display in Canada, and Penner and his friends left their seasonal rivalries behind them. McKaig, who knows a number of hockey players through his job, invited the Vinyl Trees to play a set — along with Lupul's band, which had to bow out when the Flyers star came down with a sore throat."

I can't decide which has me rolling the worst. "Lupul's band" (Seriously are you kidding me? Someone with great myspace-fu needs to get on this RIGHT now. Finny, did you know? And if so, why was I not informed!?), "sore throat" (Elly and I have decided that since he probably currently knows one person out in Philadelphia, 'sore throat' is more likely a coverup for 'Gator has disabled most of my motor functions'.) or, and this is what I do believe is winning right now, "Flyers star." FLYERS STAR! STAR!

I hope he fills those big shoes every bit as well as he did the ones set out for him last season.

Blogroll! (Because sometimes we like to think we have readers.)

Having forgone (forwent?) sleeping at a reasonable hour yet again, I have spent the past while cleaning up our blogroll (after being inspired to do so by my favorite IPBers), adding some of our newer finds, editing links (because people like Jordi can't stay in one place), etc. I doubt I'm done yet, but before I spend any more of time that should really be devoted to sleep on making things pretty, I figured I might as well make sure I've got everything covered.

So, if there is anyone out there reading who would like their blog added to our blogroll, or if there's someone you know we're missing, or hell, just someone you think we should check out, now is the time to let us now! Leave us a comment here and we'll get right on it!

(Oh and uh, which is the bigger scandal of the day, Comrie/Duff or Lowe/Pennersquee?)

I Bet Their Momma's Proud.

Apparently all of us fans aren't the only ones bored with the offseason.

The rest of us just aren't throwing Eric Staal bachelor parties that get broken up by the cops and winds us up in jail. Now, this is funny enough on it's own. But taken point by point it becomes utterly hilarious:

• Eric was arrested for "disorderly conduct and obstructing the legal process." Funny enough on it's own, right? But when broken down we see that what really happened was that the Sheriff's office received complaints about "screaming, yelling and playing loud music," and they were then warned in excess. Screaming, yelling and playing loud music? At a bachelor party? Oh those wacky Staals. But wait, it gets better!
  

• Having been kicked out of the establishment, the lot of them (Staals, cousins, and friends, by the sounds of things) subsequently decided the next best course of action was to harass motorists passing by on the expressway. At 4 am. Okay, now we're encroaching on the territory previously known as "what my college friends do on Saturday nights."

"Just keep smiling, maybe our charm and good looks can get us out of this."

• Next, they got not only Eric, but Jordan as well - for underage drinking. Why I never! Jordan Staal, drinking? That little stumble he almost took at the awards ceremony is suddenly happening in a whole different light.
  

• Finally, 10 of the 14 arrested spent the night in jail. Eric was one, says the article, and I can only hope that Jordan was another because I imagine the conversation on his end would have been something like this: "Do not tell mom. Eric. Do NOT tell mom." Until he was forcibly shut up in a brilliant feat of some more disorderly conduct. I'll be EA is thrilled.

Edit: And thanks to Sherry and her HLOG coverage of this scandalous incident, mugshots of both Eric and Jordan are available.

So now that my entire afternoon has been made by reading about these antics (and my Saturday nights of 3 am traffic cone stealing - yes, we did it - and such just got a whole lot cooler sounding - from now I'm introducing every plan to my friends with "Oh come on the Staal brothers would do it!"), I just have one question, Eric (and you have all summer to think about how you could have not gotten arrested): How does it feel?

I've got it!

While doing the morning blogroll, I came across a lovely picture on Capschick's blog (which was from a link to On Frozen Blog), of Ovechkin sporting the new Capitals logo on a spiffy red shirt in the picture on the left. He looked so stern, so manly, so taciturn and just so....Russian that in my coffee deprived state it made me think, my goodness, he looks just like someone else....but who?

Well, it dawned on me finally that he looks just like another foreign prodigy in sports (if he frowned a bit more), if not exactly in hockey. I'm sure that Capschick will be thrilled that her post sparked that particular epiphany.

Where does that leave poor Malkin? Out at the library, I think. (Sorry Geno!)



EDIT: While searching for Krum pictures, I found this. Hmm.

Signs it's Been the Offseason for Too Long: #1

The Detroit News, lacking any actual Red Wings news, as management is content with the current roster, has so little to report that they instead treat their readers to an article, photo gallery, and even audio that is essentially what Chris Chelios does on his summer vacation.

Paddle surfing: It isn't better, just different, Cheli says.

I encourage anyone interested in Cheli's surfing, biking, and uh, sitting at a friends' place on the ocean to check it all twenty three, yes, you heard me right twenty three, images. When does hockey come back, again? Those who like to rag on his age will find great material - personally I love the 74 year old workout partner.

I just wonder if the News realizes we have a perfectly lovely pair of pair of soccer playing Eurotwins who photograph a little better that they could be capturing the summer activities of. If only.

Meanwhile I just bumped down a great post of Elly's that has been killing me all afternoon, so make sure you check that out as well.

Was that a tumbleweed?

Quite times in the dead of the hockey drought that is summer. Not much going on (unless you count the Nashville drama with a certain Canadian billionare that Pens fans are familiar with. Don't let him get you down, Nashville!), and the Pens are all out on the beach or on the indoor rinks. Personally, I hope they're on the beach with a friend and a good book. Summertime is for relaxing, and as long as you do some practice, you might as well play. Besides, training camp is coming up soon, and rumor has it that the boys are going back to West Point. Think they'll have this much fun again?

Speaking of breaks, NPI is rather quiet right now, and I'm sure you can all guess why.

That's right, Mr.Potter has taken us hostage, and although my adventures with him lasted 23 hours, Steph has to go at a slower pace due to the fact her roommate wants his copy back at the end of the day.

After finishing the book, I think I can sum it up nicely by saying that it's like the last 10 years of the Penguins history, topping off with a Cup win. It is not like the Oilers' last season, which Steph said she was glad of, since it would mean that the book ended with the death and destruction of everyone and everything.

So, how do I compare the two? Well, let's go at this systematically:

-Sidney Crosby, dark haired, marked for greatness at the tender age of 13 (right around when Harry went to school at 11), works great magic with a stick. Now if we can just get him to get a scar on his forehead, it would work.

-If Colby Armstrong had bright red hair...

-Instead of foisting poor Geno into the role of a bushy-haired girl, I'm going to say that he instead resembles a certain Bulgarian seeker. Quiet, kind, speaks with heavily accented English (rather sexy in the movie)?

-Malfoy = The New York Rangers.

-Actually, no no, Malfoy = the Philadelphia Flyers. Snarky and inept, but with some good looks (Lupul, I'm talking about your baby blues, here....and your lack of stickhandling, come to think of it), but that you hate on principle because they're just so good to hate.

-The Death Eaters = The New York Rangers.

I can see it now...Sidney Potter, alone, finding himself at the School of National Hockey, famous before he steps foot on the State-side ice for powers he doesn't know the extent of. Sorted by the Magical Drafting Hat into the Penguins House (located in the tower of Pittsburgh), and taken under the kindly wing of Lemieuxdore as he steers his path from afar with kindly words and well-timed advice. Along with his two best friends, Colby Weasley and Malkin Krum, the prodigy from Eastern Europe, they are lead through the trials and tribulations of learning the skills of hockey from their head, McTherrien (sounds like a terrier breed). Hijinks abound as Sidney faces alienation from other Houses, jealous of his skill, and his acceptance into a new world with the help of other friends, such as Maxime Flannigan and Jordan Thomas. (I was really seeing Eric and Jordan Patil, but I didn't want to contemplate who would wear ornamental butterflies in their hair) Many adventures follow the trio as they work through their years, competing with the other groups, facing friends, family, and culminating to a faceoff with an old nemesis, one that trained with Lemieuxdore in his younger days, learning from his skate-lacings...He-Who-Must-Be-Booed.

As with most of their meetings, Sidney comes off victorious, leaving his opponent to scratch his mark, #68, into the locker room door as he leaves. Lemieuxdore has left the terrible task of defeating He-Who-Must-Be-Booed once and for all (before he retires, anyhow) to young Sidney Potter and the Dark Captain's minion, Sean Lestrange? Can he do it? Will he live up to the task set before him? Will the Penguin House win the Cup this year? Only time will surely tell.


And now, back to your scheduled waiting for the preseason.

(for the record, I do like Jagr, the parallel just fit too well to pass up. Sorry, Jaromir!)

I'm sorry.....what?

The gods are laughing at me, aren't they?

Someone tell me...

Well, we're about a third of the way through the misery that is the offseason, and we're all still alive so far (I think). Posting has been lax thanks to, well, not a lot happening. In fact, such little has happened that we've banded together for mass viewing sessions of The Cutting Edge in hopes that maybe we can the crazy that's setting in with as quiet as the hockey world has been these past few days. Which brings to mind a few questions:

• Will Boogaard Fighting Camp shirts ever show up on eBay?
  

• Who will sign Jussi Markkanen? And why haven't they yet? Are the hockey gods still mad at me? And for that matter, what of Ty Conklin?

• Is the new guy in Edmonton brave enough to wear #44?

• Will Darcy Tucker quit hockey for the more(?) lucrative acting profession? (And at the very least, will his appearance in Little Mosque on the Prairie make me as happy as I'm expecting it to?)

• Is CapsChick going to supply me with the amazing work of genius that is the Cutting Edge soundtrack or am I going to have to go hunt it down myself?

• Do Avs fans do these things just for us Wings fans' benefits?

• Will my favorite little Tiger pitcher Andrew Miller learn to throw something other than a fastball? And will my inane love of him continue? On the topic of baseball, how awesome is Magglio Ordonez?

• Do any of these questions really have anything to do with hockey?

And most importantly, is it October yet? Or at least September?

Say what?

The Penguins have added a few more people to their ranks...their office staff ranks, that is. Tom Fitzgerald and Jason Botterill have been hired to work with prospects and manage the salary cap space, respectively. Yes, that Tom Fitzgerald. I hope someone stuffs a squeaky rat in his inbox.

Jordan Staal answers some Q and A questions from fans. The part about he and his brother betting on a face off was cute, and something I've always wondered if they do. I can't imagine that there isn't a certain amount of smack talk between the four of them, especially Eric and Jordan.

The shop at nhl.com is selling 2 foot tall Stanley Cup replicas, complete with gloves, crate, and little doily (all for a cool 250 smackers). Too expensive? How about the inflatable version (complete with repair kit)? Great for pool parties!

Lastly, this gem was lifted from Empty Netters (which I still need to put in the sidebar), and shows us again just why we love Maxime Talbot. For an extra bit of Penguiny goodness from youtube, check this out as well. The part with Fleury was cute, but hearing Armstrong say 'a little smoochie' just about killed me.

Is it October yet?

Midsummer blues

I found myself with, gasp!, free time this morning since my work called to switch me to a long closing shift in surgery and I thought, hey, why not update the blog! It's been a while since I've been able to give it some Penguins-oriented love.

-Therrien signed a contract extension yesterday to keep him around for another year. I was worried that the Pens might go the way of Boston. (how many coaches is that now? 3 in the last two years?)
-Old news, but Sidney is around for 5 (six if you count this upcoming season) more seasons. I think, 'thank you, merciful god' sums that up. Either that or 'yippie!'. I'm okay with either.
-Talbot and Armstrong are back for two more years and Wilkes-Barre has been bulking up a bit as well. I don't know much about them, but it's always interesting to watch people develop.
-Another signing of note is Petr Sykora, formerly of Edmonton (we'll forget that little patch in New Jersey...and Anaheim...and with the Rangers...hell, let's just forget everything up until the Oil, shall we?), who had some good production in the first half of the season, falling slightly off in the end. I'd point that out as something of note, but really, check out Edmonton's last twenty games or so. Recchi-Crosby-Sykora?
-Not a lot of discussion on signing Fleury early or not. He's improved dramatically last season, but can still be shaky. Are they waiting to see how he comes out this season?

Well, work calls, but there isn't much more on the Pens front (backup goalie switching, but I can't remember the stats on Sabourin at the moment). The season is coming closer and closer every minute! Preseason starts on the 17th of September with a double visit to the Bell Centre in Montreal. So close...maybe they'll have cheap tickets?

Go Pens!

The Boogeyman Strikes Again

As the horrendously boring and hockeyless summer wears on, so does the (oftentimes equally boring) debate over fighting in the NHL.

Meanwhile, your and my favorite Hemsky-abuser (insert a few other slightly more unpleasant adjectives here) Wild enforcer Derek Boogaard and his little brother soon-to-be-Penguin Aaron, like many other NHL players, host a hockey camp over the summer. Unlike most of these hockey camps, however, this one focuses specifically on what Boogaard does best - beating people up.

About two dozen young players, age 12-18 pay $50 apiece to learn how to "how to leverage their strength when decking an opponent, protect themselves against punches from various angles and condition their bodies for the physical play that is the cause of, and solution to, the NHL's identity crisis." Despite criticism, Boogaard insists he's showing the kids how to protect themselves, not hurt one another. Because we all know Boogaard's out there to protect himself. Not wreck shoulders.

Now, you can argue for or against fighting in the NHL all you want, but outside of the fact that Boogaard in particular hosting this is just hilarious the event decided to go completely over the top with regard to what exactly comes with that $50 fee:

"The second "Derek Boogaard Fighting Camp," which includes T-shirts splotched with blood-red dye, was staged inside a stuffy miniature rink with boards, glass and plastic ice."

You'd all better make a note to let me know if anyone ever manages to pull one of those up on eBay. And hey Hannah - Willie Mitchell doesn't approve.