"Another game against the Blue freaking Jackets." - John Keating (Hank 3, Jackets 1)

This evening I'm bored and sick of reading about African American Vernacular English - so here, have a liveblog as the Red Wings take on the Columbus Blue Jackets for about the billionth time this month:

7:00 pm Red Wings Live informs its faithful that Darren Helm will be playing again tonight - because Valtteri Filppula has a knee injury. This is the first I've heard of it, but I certainly hope it's nothing serious. They also tell us that Derek Meech will be playing LW this evening, instead of his usual position on defense. Hmm...odd. He's had a good year at defense so far, here's to seeing if it'll translate.

7:06 pm For those interested in his grooming patterns, Henrik Zetterberg seems to have shaved again. The other day they asked him what the deal was with that and he said he's just "a lazy guy."

7:10 pm They're now interviewing a 105 year old woman who saw the entirety of Gordie Howe's career. Not only is she adorable, but she knows her hockey.

7:25 pm I would like the references to Columbus as "C-bus" to stop.

1st Period

7:39 pm You know what is so sad about playing the Jackets now? The Joe sounds oh so empty without consistent booing of Sergei Fedorov. (It looks rather empty too...I know it's a Wednesday night game against the Jackets and not particularly exciting, but come on guys!)

7:47 pm This is really boring.

7:48 pm Chris Osgood makes a nice save after Brian Rafalski makes the smart play not to hook Rick Nash coming in on goal. Have I mentioned how much I love having my defensemen back?

7:50 pm Jared Boll just locked in on Tomas Kopecky, who avoided the hit, and wound up absolutely railroading Freddy Modin instead. That looked pretty painful.

7:54 pm Osgood makes a less nice save on a shot that I'm not convinced he ever saw....scary. Then he followed it up with a terrifying flurry of saves.

8:00 pm Boll took about three second shift before deciding that was enough. Kid really wrecked himself earlier.

8:02 pm The puck just deflected oddly after Osgood made a save, leaving an almost wide open net. Ozzie dove across the crease to stop the puck but not before Zetterberg snuck in and messed up the shot. I love it when Zetterberg makes those shiny defensive plays. I'm sure Osgood just loved it too.

8:04 pm Rostislav Klesla is SLOW.

8:07 pm Detroit takes a second straight offensive zone penalty as Kopecky goes off - can we please take a few more penalties? Please?

8:09 pm Dick Tarnstrom takes a huge slapshot and Osgood gloves it down - beautiful. We're told we have only 3 shots on goal right now and this upsets me.

2nd period

8:30 pm The period starts with the remainder of a powerplay that is completely useless, but the announcers then rave about Dwayne Roloson and that makes me happy.

8:41 pm A Blue Jacket (I missed who it was) absolute runs over Osgood. Brian Rafalski sort of trips over him and highsticks the guy in the process. Everyone's favorite Mick McGeough calls only the Detroit penalty - and somehow decides to put Nick Lidstrom in the box. Manny Malhotra scores to put the Jackets up 1-0 during the ensuing powerplay. Wow. Wow.

9:00 pm Not too much has been happening - an almost Wings goal and an almost hand pass that saved it, and then the Wings go back on the pp and give up a nice scoring chance to Columbus. Henrik Zetterberg has some nice chances, but nothing goes in.

9:05 pm I am certainly glad Chris Chelios saw fit to take a penalty with 2:14 left in the period when we are down by one. I am annoyed enough that I see fit to play with the appearance of my yahoo fantasy hockey avatar instead of watching the last bit of this period. Seriously.

3rd period

9:26 pm I think Zetterberg is getting frustrated at only scoring 3 goals in 17 games or something, he starts off the period with a couple really great moves and almost puts us on the board.

9:35 pm Henrik IS pissed, and now he scores to prove it - past two defensemen and the goalie ending an 8 game goalless streak and 108:45 minutes of shutout time for Fredrik Norrena.

9:47 pm Suddenly we seem to have some momentum. Funny what a goal will do for you (however, powerplay still failing).

9:51 pm Chris Chelios gets called for boarding despite vehemently protesting. At least McGeough picked the right offender this time. Still, absolutely terrible time to take a penalty, but Osgood makes a nice save on Rick Nash to keep the Columbus penalty woes going. After the third faceoff the puck skitters off to the side of the net and no one seems to notice it right away except Osgood - you can practically see the panic not only all over his face, mask or no, but just in the way he stares at it like he's debating diving on it

9:54 pm With 2:54 to go the Jackets take a penalty - not that this has helped us so far.

9:56 pm Pavel Datsyuk misses a pass that could have been a gorgeous goal. I make a noise the likes of which prompts my roommate to ask if I am indeed all right. This is replicated when, a second later, thanks to an absolutely gorgeous pass by Datsyuk, Henrik Zetterberg scores again! I am starting to think he should shave more often.

9:58 pm 35 seconds later, a turnover lands Zetterberg the puck yet again - Norrena comes out to stop him, but he misses, and Henrik pots it behind him for the hat trick, a natural, and the third of his career. I think my neighbors might wonder if I'm okay by now. Osgood picks up glasses someone threw on the ice and tucks them in the back of his jersey - Mickey Redmond remarks that he's got eyes in the back of his head. Har har.

Somehow that game starting absolutely boring, then got frustrating, and wound up spectacular.

Congratulations Henrik, and thanks for the spectacular show.