Mike Lange: "Well kick me and call me Charlie, she just scored on her own goal!"

Team: Pittsburgh Penguins (shocking, I know)
Uniform Number: I'd say 18, but I couldn't fight Moore over it. So 15.
Position: While my dream would be goalie, I am short and little and couldn't stop a puck to save my life. Right wing.
Nickname: 'Ly, Butterfingers
Dream blueline partner: If I could pick past greats, I would say Larry Murphy or Ulf Sammuelson, because the Pens desperately need an enforcer right now. If not....sigh, Chris Pronger.
Rounding out the Power Play: Sticking to current players, I'd take Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, and Mark Recchi.
Job: Not screwing up a pass by Sidney, and successfully returning it for a one-two goal. Also, bringing the body and screaming up on the forecheck like a mad woman...which would be the only way I could actually stop.
Signature Move: Flattening the opposing goalie in an attempt to stop and then seeing how many times I could swear on the way to the box for goalie interference without being called on it by the refs.
Strengths: My fast speed.
Weaknesses: Not being able to actually stop skating. Also being distracted by shiny goalie helmets.
Equipment: CCM and Rbk, because I can't say no to Sidney's advertising. Also, Reebok usually makes things that fit women.
Nemeses: the 1994 Rangers.
Scandal Involvement: While in the box I would pull a Tie Domi and start yelling at an extremely air-headed girl in a pink jersey after she said that I had helmet hair.
Who I’d Face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Anaheim. We would come back from a 3 game loss to crank out a heroic win in the Igloo on game 7 with a coast to coast by Mario, who had to get one last goal in.
What I’d do with the Stanley Cup After Our Victory: Eat duck flavored ramen noodles out of it. Don't ask.
Would the Media Love Me or Hate Me: They'd love me for my wit, my endless charm, and my ability to throw a mean right hook on a defenseman who is over a foot taller than I am.
Next up: Hmm...anyone who wants to, I suppose? I'd like to see the guys over at the Pensblog make their dream lines, though.


I promise I'll update with a real update soon, I just had time right now between classes and I couldn't think of anything serious with the pressure of the expired Penguins deadline looming.