31 December 2006

Maybe this is why we don't have Hockey Night in America

Elly and I were really excited to both be getting the HNIC broadcast of two excellently Canadian games, especially since we both so rarely get Edmonton games. So much so that we decided it was worth of a joint point. If only we knew what was actually going to happen...


After the disgusting Leafs loss yesterday and hearing that Poni, Wellwood, Antropov, Tucker, Peca, and Colaicovo were out, it was determined by the creators of this blog that this was more like the Ottawa Senators vs. the Toronto Marlies with Special Guest Mats Sundin. The game did nothing to inspire us to consider it any more, and so no one really felt like talking about it. Which brings us to the game we thought would HAVE to be better....


This game was so disgusting that, in the third period when CBC's audio feed cut out, the conversation went as follows:

Steph: ....wtf audio?
Elly: See, even CBC doesn't want to talk about it anymore.

In a testament to just how bad it was, by the way, partway through the Oilers game I actually expressed something about missing Ty Conklin (though not through any fault of Jussi's). Therefore, all this game is getting from us is a halfassed list of the things we noticed. You'll read it and you'll like it--at least more than we did the game.

#1. Jussi Markkanen

Ever since the playoffs it's clear how we feel about Jussi, but here are some examples. (It should also be noted that Craig Simpson called him "Juicy" and was deemed our new hero.)

During the anthem (where in they show Jussi's for .5 seconds, looking upward):
Steph: JUSSI
Steph: ...all he did was STAND and look up and we're freaking out.

During the game (wherein we actually make astute observation):

Steph: Aww, Jussi. He moves so differently than Roli
Elly: Less angrily?
Steph: Possibly. I don't even know what it is though, but you can really tell them apart. Roli is all small and angry and dramatic and Jussi is smoother.
Steph: Like Roli attacks the puck and Jussi just sot of.....pushes it.
Elly: Jussi is really calm and smooth. He just stands there and watches...Roli moves around constantly
Steph: Jussi even looks smooth just shoving his stick out to knock pucks away
Steph: Roli always looks like he's trying to kill them

Jussi then proceeds to adventure a bit and make a couple amazing saves. We squee a bit more, discuss his merits a bit more, and then cry when they don't show him at all after the game. All in all, this game was pitiful, but the Juice did his best--and not perfectly, but not poorly, either. Too bad the Oilers didn't help him out any.

Like, say, when he banged his stick on the ice like a good little goalie to signal "HEY GUYS THEIR PENALTY IS OVER" like, you know, that move generally does. And Raffi Torres' response is to ignore him, try to pass the puck right up in there, lets the Canucks get a breakaway right out of the box, and score yet again. Thanks, guys.

#2 Marc-Andre Bergeron

Played like shit tonight. Cost us that first goal. Bad defenseman. No pancakes for you.

#3 The Announcers

Were hilarious. Our favorite quotes of the evening:
  • On Smytty's custom stick to go with his custom "I broke myself" glove: "He's using a lighter stick; normally it's a...I dunno, it's a log or something."
  • The polite way to say Roli is a spaz: "Markkanen's a calm goaltender and maybe that's what they need..."
  • On...someone: "Oh boy are they throwing some haymakers."
  • On Burrows after his little skirmish with Jacques: "If you took the 'ows' off his jersey he'd be 'burr', and that's what the guy is right now."
  • On a shot Luongo nabbed (like most of them): "The puck flutters into the glove of Roberto Luongo."
  • On the Hemsky line: "Hemsky & Co."
Honorable mentions go to Naslund for that comment about "guys squeezing their sticks", Stoli for swearing more than I have ever seen him do in one game, , Kevin Lowe for saying something like "We wanted to emulate the Flyers, who are a contender for the cup every year...but now we don't, obviously," (I didn't hear this, and Elly assures me the actual quote was much better, but her paraphrasing was still too excellent not to include) and the soundbooth guys for including "Love Shack" in the broadcast.


-Last place (foro the next few seconds at least) Phoenix somehow majorly wrecks San Jose all over the place tonight. 8-0? What got put in their breakfast?

-Boston's adorable backup goalie Hannu Toivonen finally gets to play as the (lately) weirdly successful Bruins take on Nashville. Unfortuately this game ends up 5-0. Not a good night for Finnish goalies at all.

-The New York Rangers have had enough of losing, and refuse to do so against the Washington Capitals. New best friends Jagr and Shanahan collectively dismantle Caps D man Brashear. Good to see Shanny's the same as ever and doesn't need us back in Detroit.

-Manny Legace and the St. Louis Blues shut out the Colorado Avalanche. Apparently they breakfast with the Phoenix Coyotes. It's my goalie's first shutout as a Blue (that sounds really awkward when singular), and brings him up to 4 wins in 5 games. Something's going right for Legace these days, finally, and look how happy he is.

-Penguins didn't play tonight, but when asked "When are you going to get your own place?" Sidney Crosby answered "'Well....I don't know. If you've ever seen that movie, 'Failure to Launch', that's me right now." It was cute enough to get mentioned.

Tomorrow night there's a Battle of Alberta, and let's just say someone, or rather a team of someones, has a lot of making tonight up to us to do.


Elly said...

The only thing I have to add is that 'Love Shack' was played after one of the tussles, which was some excellent timing.

Elly said...

Oh, and that they need to play Markkanen more so that we don't act like fangirls everytime the poor man steps on the ice.

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